It took me quite a while to adjust to the new job, new home in a new state, and a surprising new romance. Things are turning out pretty nicely here but I am afraid I’ve put this project on the back-burner.
Today, during my morning pages, I reflected on my upcoming 35th birthday and how I’d like to “call in” certain things. In order to “call in” I need to “clear out.” I meant this spiritually but I think I need to also manifest this physically. I am in a financial place now where I can support myself and have enough left over for creating the life I really want. Why am I hoarding?
…weeeeelllll part of it is paying off grad-school debt.
The main reason why I am not spending is because I am so used to being super frugal, super poor, and in a super-lack mindset. Ugh. Consequently, I treat everything I own like junk and it has become junk. I am uninspired. However, instead of immediately buying something new (as I have been doing lately) I need to first clear out what I have that isn’t suiting me and cherish what I do have. Mindset shift and clearing.
Only after a mindset shift and physical clearing will I truly call in the sort of life I want. After the mindset shift and clearing I will be able to really focus on what lights my fire spiritually and physically, of course. I will just end up buying a bunch of junk I won’t cherish if I skip this step. I skip too many steps, as a pattern. 🙂
I want to be able to relax when shopping and not go in a rush. When I rush I desperately pick up whatever sorta-kinda fits the bill. Instead, I’d like to leisurely observe my surroundings and have something truly ignite a spark in my spirit that says, “I was made for you, girlfriend!” Something that is just wonderfully perfect or at least fits the bill in a way that thrills me.
I’m practicing the wait-for-the thrill moment with my alter. I’m re-constructing a basic alter because I now have space to do so. I need to find a great table or something to hold it, God/Goddess figurines, and (hopefully) basic tools. Sure, I have old basic tools that have served me well but they are nearly 20 (omg 20…what the heck?!) years old. I’ve literally never replaced them but I never really even liked them!
I guess the old adage is correct, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything!
So this week I went to a few stores after work over the course of the week, not in a rush but just looking. I saw a few things that MIGHT work and even picked them up and put them in my cart. However, I thought to myself, “No no, you fool, this didn’t even call out to you. You don’t even like this let alone love this.” Trust me, I put them all back. I only picked up a few things I needed: Dishtowels with little skulls that matched my decor and made me squee with delight, a silver Buddha from India that is reminding me of my upcoming trip and sorta called to me, and a sunflower dish I will use as an offering dish during current and future Midsommer and Lammas rites/alters/etc. It really did call to me and I kinda love it. It will be hard not to put it out all year but I want it to be special.
So, this is me, clearing out and calling in.
Maybe I’ll post a picture soon of my good-ass looking alter! 🙂
*P.S. excuse the poor spelling, grammar, and made up stupid words. I decided to just post this and get it out there in the universe and then go immediately clean. I’m not sorry for any pain I cause via text to stringent English-nerds. 🙂 I do still love you, though.